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Top Satire Headlines of 2009 - Honorable Mentions

A couple of weeks ago I posted what I thought were the top 15 satire headlines (check them out here if you missed them). Since I wrote hundreds I thought I would come up with a list of the top 15 honorable mentions. So here they are in no particular order.

Obama Cancels Pardon Of Thanksgiving Turkey, Noting Presidents Should Not Pardon Themselves

Biden Boasts If Senate Dems Had Only 59 Votes For Health Care Debate He Could've Been The Tie-Breaker

Obama Issues Reminder To Not Let The Dc Sniper's Execution Make Us "Jump To Conclusions" Over His Guilt

20 Years After Fall Of Berlin Wall Biden Recalls How He Got The News From A Text Message On His Cell Phone

Barney Frank Disappointed To Learn The Uncle Sam "I Want You" Poster Is Not Directly Meant For Him

Senator Reid Complains No Public Health Option Means He'll Never Afford Sex Change To Become A Real Man

California Closes Budget Gap In Deal With Parker Brothers Allowing The State To Pass Go Any Time It Needs To

Ahmadinejad Un Speech Interrupted By Kanye West Drunken Tirade Giving Props To North Korean Nuclear Program

After Formal Rebuke Vote Dems Hold Joe Wilson Up As Warning To North Korea And Iran They Could Be Next

Un Advocates Teaching Masturbation To Kids So Governments Are Free To Do Other Things While The People Screw Themselves

Rio De Janeiro Wins 2016 Olympics Defeating Tokyo, Madrid, And Chicagobama

Jimmy Carter Reveals Secret Source Of Post-Presidential Wisdom: "I Am What I Farm"

While Preparing For Big Health Care Speech Obama Orders Biden To Stop Calling Him "Barocky"

Reigning Staring Contest Champion Nancy Pelosi Under Fire For Allegations She Uses Performance Enhancing Botox.

New Poll Finds Death Panels Now More Popular Than Congress

I hope you enjoy this, if so share it with your friends!

Happy New Year and see you in 2010!

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What The Liberal's Tea Party Might Look Like

Really though, he's just mad he'll never be invited to the party.

We all know that the real reason liberals are hopping mad about the Tea Parties is that it calls public attention to the taxpayers dissatisfaction with how our politician's money is spent. I know I know...the nerve of it all...good thing Rachel Maddow is there to call them Tea Baggers! That'll make them go away.

In any case, if liberals wanted to have a party of their own I suspect it would go something like....

Liberal Tea Party
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Health Insurance In Every Pot

Q: How does Ben Nelson sleep at night after voting for this bill?

A:If he's in Nebraska...with one eye open.

Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night

let me try that again......

Merry Christmas to all...except for 60 constitution usurping schmucks...all 60 59 of which shall remain nameless.

I guess this is really a lesson to us all, we get the government we ask for. I'm already shopping for next years Christmas present to myself....finding ways to get these people out of office.

Public opinion was against this passing, not one honest account of the cost showed that the bill will actually reduce cost or the deficit. This Christmas the Democratic Party has just shoved a huge lump of coal down all our throats.

Nice visual...Hey will the new law cover black lung?

This is not over yet. We now need regurgitate that coal and shove it back in their faces like the dogs they are going number 2 on Uncle Sam's favorite rug....and then we need to make sure that when the dust does finally settle we the people are the last man standing.

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Satire Headlines Archive Update December 14-21

The following are now posted in the Satire Headlines Archive

SEN. SCHUMER SAYS HE NEVER MEANT TO CALL FLIGHT ATTENDANT "BITCH", CLAIMS WITHOUT GLASSES SHE LOOKED LIKE A MIRROR - December 21

AS BLIZZARD HITS WASHINGTON DC THE PRESIDENT IS NOT AMUSED BY NEW NICKNAME AT CLIMATE SUMMIT, "SNOWBAMA" - December 18

OBAMA ORDERS TAILOR FOR WHITE HOUSE DOG TO MAKE SPECIAL CLIMATE SUMMIT SWEATER FOR SHIVERING TELEPROMPTER - December 18

OBAMA ADMITS MISTAKE IN GIVING ADMINISTRATION "SOLID B+," THOUGHT HE WAS GIVING BARNEY FRANKS SCORE ON GAYDATE.COM - December 17

OBAMA ADMITS MISTAKE IN GIVING ADMINISTRATION "SOLID B+," THOUGHT HE WAS RATING HIS BIRTH CERTIFICATE GUY - December 17

OBAMA ADMITS MISTAKE IN GIVING ADMINISTRATION "SOLID B+," THOUGHT HE WAS GUESSING HELEN THOMAS'S CUP SIZE - December 17

OBAMA ADMITS MISTAKE IN GIVING ADMINISTRATION "SOLID B+," THOUGHT HE WAS GUESSING U.S. CREDIT RATING - December 17

OBAMA ADMITS MISTAKE IN GIVING ADMINISTRATION "SOLID B+," THOUGHT HE WAS GRADING CHINA'S HUMAN RIGHTS RECORD - December 17

WORLD'S DICTATORS DEMAND OBAMA'S LETTER TO KIM JONG IL BE POSTED ON FACEBOOK SO THEY CAN "LIKE" IT - December 16

DEMS NOW CLAIM HEALTH BILL IS BUDGET NEUTRAL AS IT WILL COST NOTHING SINCE THE DOLLAR WILL BE WORTH NOTHING - December 16

OBAMA OPINES RETROFITTED ENERGY EFFICIENT HOMES NOT AS SEXY AS CLIMATE SUMMIT SPONSORED PRIVATE JETS SHOWS - December 15

OBAMA SAYS MAKING HOMES ENERGY EFFICIENT IS SEXY IN A ROSIE O'DONNELL WEARING LINGERIE SORT OF WAY - December 15

OBAMA SPLIT ON IF HE SHOULD RECOGNIZE KWANZAA, ASKS CABINET FOR VOTE TO HELP BREAK TIE WITH HIMSELF - December 14

DEMS CONFUSED ABOUT WHETHER SENATOR REID IS STRUGGLING TO FIND FOR 60 VOTES FOR HEALTH BILL OR REELECTION - December 14

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Really Though, Schumer Just Thinks Everyone Is His Bitch

Having a firm grasp on what tragedy really is (9-11 is on his turf after all) Senator Chuck(y) Schumer of New York really hit the nail on the head with this missed opportunity where a flight attendant had the nerve to tell one of the senators of Olympus to turn off his phone during take off like the rest of us dirty civilians.

For doing her job she was called a 5-letter word that starts with a "b" and rhymes with "Nancy Pelosi" (after coming down from the Botox party high).

I know this is really pretty old news at this point, but I'm not writing to bitch about Senator Schmucker so much as the revelation that can be gleaned from the outburst.

"It’s Harry Reid calling,...I guess health care will have to wait until we land." ... oh the humanity....

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A Trillion Here A Trillion There and Soon You'll Be Talking About Serious Money!

Its only money, they print it every day.

When he's not taking a break from participating in the Copenhagen Private Jet show (where I hear Al Gore won best-in-show for his jet for emitting fuel exhaust AND his own rhetoric into the atmosphere) to attend climate conference that will decide how the rest of the unwashed masses...and ONLY us...need to conserve energy in order to combat what has become the biggest farce in human history since believing the world was flat and the sun revolved around us (at least the excuse of people back then was pride AND ignorance) Obama and congress are showing the drunken sailors that the GOP were from 2000-2006 how spending money really gets done.

This nonsense has to stop. When are the adults finally going to takeover our country? Does ANYONE run their own financial house the way congress runs our checkbook?

No...it grows on something else.

I've stopped wondering what they're thinking....I'm over that...now I just want to know if they're thinking at all. Do they really think money grows on trees?

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New Poem: The Haiku on Universal Health Care

The latest addition to the poetry section...

Government health care
Is so awesome Congress wont
Take it for themselves

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Satire Headline Archive Update December 4-11

Here are the latest additions to the Satire Headline Archive:


CIA ADMONISHES HOMELAND SECURITY THAT BECOMING A FAN OF GLENN BECK ON FACEBOOK IS NOT TERROR ESPIONAGE - December 11

WHILE DEMOCRATS DEBATE RAISING DEBT CEILING BIDEN INJURES ELBOW DOING RAISE THE ROOF DANCE - December 11

BIDEN'S PLAN TO ERASE ALL FEDERAL DEBT THWARTED WHEN HE REALIZES HE NEEDS $12 TRILLION, NOT ONE BIG ERASER - December 10

CLIMATE SUMMIT "ONE STEP CLOSER" TO ENDING CLIMATE CHANGE IN AN INSTANT WITH RESOLUTION TO BAN THERMOSTATS - December 10

NAPOLITANO SAYS TSA SCREENING PROCEDURES ON WEB NOT A SAFETY RISK AS MUCH AS HER UPCOMING SEX TAPE WILL BE - December 9

LEAVING CLIMATE SUMMIT ON AIR FORCE 1 TO GET PRE-AFGHAN SURGE PEACE PRIZE PRESIDENT CHANGES NAME TO OBAMAPPOSITE - December 9

GOP EXPLAINS DIFFERENCE BETWEEN ABORTION AND VIAGRA TO BARBARA BOXER: ONE ENDS LIFE, THE OTHER BRINGS IT BACK - December 8

OBAMA SAYS REP. JOHN CONYERS DEMEANED HIM BY DISAGREEING WITH HIM ON POLICY DURING HIS EVENING DIAPER CHANGE - December 8

SEN. REID CONFUSED BY GOP-SLAVERY OUTRAGE, SINCE "SLAVERY" IS SAID CONSTANTLY IN REID HOUSEHOLD WHEN HE IS HOME - December 7

WORLD LEADERS DEFEND 140 PRIVATE JETS USED IN CLIMATE SUMMIT AS BARE MINIMUM TO TRANSPORT THEMSELVES AND THEIR EGOS - December 7

SCIENTISTS SAY GLOBAL WARMING SLOW DOWN NOT PERMANENT, PREDICT WARMING TO RESUME SOME TIME AFTER END OF WINTER - December 4

AFTER TOUTING 10% JOBLESS RATE AS "BEST REPORT SINCE 2007" DEMAND FOR OBAMA SKYROCKETS FOR NATIONS COMEDY CLUBS - December 4

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The Top 15 (satire) Political Headlines of 2009

Since we are drawing near the end of 2009 I did a review of some of the best satire headlines I wrote for The Looking Spoon over the year. I narrowed the choices down to the top 15 (out of hundreds) that either were my favorites, got tremendous response on the social networks, or both.

15. Pelosi Mobbed At Disneyland By Children Begging For Autographs And Asking Her Why She Hates Dalmatians

14. Upon Realizing He Actually Wanted To Send Only 3000 Troops To Afghanistan Obama Fires Teleprompter

13. Green Jobs Czar Calling GOP "Assholes" Admits His Mouth Is Registered Republican

12. Leaks Of Meeting With Gen. McChrystal Reveal Sobbing Obama Admits He Can't Even Beat His Kids At Stratego

11. Oprah Edits Out Part Of Palin Interview Where She Says Alaskans Can Now See Russia In The White House

10. Obama Announces Establishment Of Official Fan Club: Friends Of Obama League (FOOL)

9. John Edwards Confesses To Also Fathering Children Of Octomom, Earns Nickname "Johnny Crappleseed"

8. Obama Resigns From Presidency In A Move To Spend More Time With His Speeches

7. "Czar Vetting Czar" Appointed To Vet Other Czars Will Himself Be Vetted By A "Vetting Czar Czar"

6. With Unemployment At 26 Year High, Obama Cancels Labor Day Due To Lack Of Participation

5. VP Biden Clarifies Statement On Swine Flu Travel, Says People Should Only Avoid Planes "When Pigs Fly"

4. Poll Finds Americans Mistakenly Think Cash For Clunkers Program Refers To Salaries For Congress

3. Scientists Say Global Warming Slow Down Not Permanent, Predict Warming To Resume Some Time After End Of Winter

2. The Dollar Falls To New All-Time Low Against The Counterfeit Dollar

1. White House Halloween Party Cancelled After Biden Suggests That Obama Go As A U.S. Citizen

I hope you enjoy this, if so share it with your friends, we can all use a good laugh at the expense of the party in power. There are many more that I wanted to include but I really wanted to limit it to 15. So I’m planning on putting together a list of honorable mentions sometime next week.

Have a Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

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Universal Care Opposition = Slavery...or Maybe Harry Is Just In To Bondage?

 

I won't bother posting the video since you may have seen or heard about it....but if you haven't its right have not it you can find it here.

Is Tiger Wood's penis desperate?

A lot of people want to say he is getting desperate making the comparison universal health opponents would keep slavery. A lot of people are wrong....because its an insult to desperation. Starving refugees in Darfur are desperate, high school nerds looking for a prom date are desperate, if Paris Hilton ever filled out a job application...THAT would be a superb example of using the word "desperate."

Senator Harry Reid is not desperate, he is one of the dumbest men in America today. Ranking, in my humble opinion, somewhere between zebra snot and Kevin Federline.

If Dirty Brain Harry wants really go down that road then the GOP should accuse the Democrats of feeling the same way in regards to their refusal to do anything to save Social Security....which is in a real crisis in need of serious governmental reform. Nobody says it though...BECAUSE ONLY IDIOTS DO THAT!

Furthermore I really really REALLY want to know what kind of "slavery" Reid thinks he's saving the country from in imposing the kind of healthcare system countries like Canada has on us?


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If you have Internet explorer this little illustration may not work when you roll the "magic" parts of it, so you should use these links, I would say sorry I killed the magic...but really its Microsofts fault.

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This guy and the 59 other pompous asses that voted to debate this bill fail to understand that the system they are setting up is nothing less than slavery itself. Its actually worse, because unlike the slavery in the south this will be a system the people will find themselves perilously addicted to.

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