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Donald Trump Should Stick to Two Things: What He Knows, and The Hair On His Head

So Donald Trump fired Chloe Kardashian on Celebrity Apprentice for no reason other than she had to attend some class for DUI. Having gone to jail and paying a fine and going through all the other things that someone who gets a DUI has to go through, none of it being pretty, Trump saw it as an invitation to administer a most sanctimonious morality lecture that can only come from someone who trades in wives more than Expedition owners are trading in for Prius's.

To be sure DUI is a very serious crime, as Angels baseball fans can attest to this week with the tragic death of Nick Adenhart, it is also one that people pay dearly for and it doesn't need Donald Trump's and his toupee's two cents after the fact.

I'm not impressed with his public service lashing of someone who is already paying for their crime, he would do well to remember a lesson that is taught in the book of Luke (chapter 12 verses 2-3)...if only his name were on the cover of the Bible he might actually read and know this:

But there is nothing covered up, that will not be revealed, nor hidden, that will not be known.

Therefore whatever you have said in the darkness will be heard in the light. What you have spoken in the ear in the inner chambers will be proclaimed on the housetops.


So Chloe's tresspasses are a little more public than yours Donny...that doesn't make you better than her.

Its really easy for him to get on his (insert rich people soap brand name here) soap box because living in New York nobody drives except for cab drivers and Trumps own chauffer. Thats right, he'll never drive under the influence, but he can ride under it all day long. So of course someone so rich he probably pays people to wipe his own ass would never be guilty of a DUI, he can afford not to be.

What if, however, he did have a few drinks and wanted to drive himself somewhere is there a person alive that would rip the keys out of his hand after he detangles them from his hair....which was tangled up in his ego?

Furthermore, lets be honest with ourselves about how imparing is alcohol to ones ability to drive compared to....say...Trumps own hair...a new study released by the group Donald And Funky Toupee's Mostly Are Nuisances (DAFTMAN) revealed that Trump's hair is 4 times more likely to cause an accident than alcohol.

The study also found that alcohol can actually counteract the effects of his hair, as shown by the mathmatical equation formulated by DAFTMAN scientists:




He really needs to pay a lot more attention to the lyrics of his Apprentice theme song and realize that money is the only subject matter he should pontificate on since he doesn't appear to actually know much of anything else.