OBAMA SAYS HE MISUNDERSTOOD THAT VOTERS IN 2008 WANTED A "DO OVER", THOUGHT THEY WANTED A "SCREW OVER" - February 26

GOV PATTERSON, MAD AT HEADLINE HE WONT "SEE" REELECTION, IS CORRECTED WHEN AIDE FINDS IT ACTUALLY SAYS "SEEK" - February 26

REID TELLS OBAMA ULTIMATUM TO PASS HEALTH BILL WITHOUT GOP WOULD SOUND "BAD ASS" IF HE USED "THE DIALECT" - February 26

ANONYMOUS OBAMA OFFICIAL TELLS MEDIA HEATH CARE SUMMIT "SUCKED," REQUESTS CODE NAME "JOEY B THE VP" - February 25

BIDEN SAYS HIS GOP TRAP DOOR AT HEALTHCARE SUMMIT OPENED, BUT DIDN'T WORK BECAUSE THEY NEVER LOOKED DOWN - February 25

OBAMA REJECTS THE WAY GOP CLAIMS HIS POLICIES ARE "SOCIALISM", SAYS THEY ARE ACTUALLY "SOCIALIST" - February 25

REID SAYS HIS LOSING THE ELECTION WONT LEAD TO SPOUSAL ABUSE BECAUSE HIS WIFE WILL SHOW HIM MERCY - February 24

BARNEY FRANK DENIES BAD HEARING AFTER GETTING "SUPER EXCITED" TO HEAR THAT GLOBAL WARMING IS A SNOW JOB - February 23

REACTING TO CHENEY'S HEART ATTACK ELIZABETH EDWARDS SAYS ITS IMPOSSIBLE FOR HUSBAND TO HAVE THAT PROBLEM - February 23

DOCTORS FINALLY CONFIRM THE TINGLE RUNNING DOWN CHRIS MATTHEWS'S HIS LEG IS THE LAST OF MSNBC'S RATINGS - February 22

OBAMA'S TELEPROMPTER SAYS IT WAS NOT BRIEFED ON HIS NEW HEALTHCARE PLAN, WOULD NEVER HAVE APPROVED IT - February 22

OBAMA SAYS THAT BECAUSE RUSSIAN ROULETTE HAS LOST ITS EDGE HE WILL CONTINUE TO FIGHT FOR OBAMACARE - February 19

LIBERAL MEDIA MISINTERPRETS TIGER WOODS'S BLAME OF MARITAL INFIDELITY ON BUSH - February 19

DESPITE THE FEDERAL RESERVE RAISING ITS INTEREST RATE BIDEN SAYS IT REMAINS UNINTERESTING TO HIM - February 18

U.N. FINDS NUKES WITH "PROPERTY OF IRAN" STICKERS ON THEM, STARTS TO SUSPECT IRAN MIGHT BE MAKING NUKES - February 18

OBAMA'S COMPLAINT "I CAN'T JUST PULL MONEY OUT OF MY ASS" IS PROVEN WRONG BY BARNEY FRANK - February 17

HILLARY CLINTON ISSUES WARNING TO IRAN TO QUIT NUCLEAR PROGRAM OR FACE MORE SUPER-SERIOUS WARNINGS - February 16

CANADIANS THANK BIDEN FOR KIND WORDS ABOUT THEM AT OLYMPICS, ASK HIM TO NOT CALL THEIR COUNTRY "CANADIA" - February 16

CANADA SAYS "FAILED" OLYMPIC TORCH LIGHTING WAS INTENTIONAL METAPHOR FOR OBAMA'S ADMINISTRATION - February 16

GORE TO RESUME GLOBAL WARMING TALK WHEN WORLD SNOWFALL MELTS OR SUMMER 2011, WHICHEVER COMES FIRST - February 12

OBAMA TELLS BIDEN ONLY JOKES WITH "URANUS" ARE FUNNY AND TO STOP LAUGHING WHEN IRAN SAYS "URANIUM" - February 11

IRAN CONFESSES PURSUIT OF NUKES IS REALLY JUST AN EFFORT TO BEAT OUT SARAH PALIN FOR MEDIA ATTENTION" - February 10

NEW POLL FINDS DEMS IS EXPECTED TO PARTICIPATE IN WAR ON CHILDHOOD OBESITY FOR "OBVIOUS REASONS" - February 10

OBAMA SAYS HE WASN'T AWARE OF PALIN USING NOTES ON HAND UNTIL BEING FULLY BRIEFED BY HIS TELEPROMPTER - February 9

MSNBC TELEPROMPTERS BREAK DOWN, CUE CARD BOY OUT SICK, OLBERMAN FORGETS TO BLAST PALIN FOR HAND NOTES - February 9

DEMS REMAIN CRYPTIC ON REASON FEDERAL DEBT LIMIT NEEDS TO BE DOUBLED THE DAY AFTER SUPER BOWL - February 8

CANADA THANKS COLTS AS WAGER WITH OBAMA OVER SUPER BOWL WILL BRING HEALTH CARE SYSTEMS TRADE WITH U.S. - February 8

AFTER PICK OF COLTS TO WIN SUPER BOWL, OBAMA LAMENTS THAT IF FECES WERE LIKE GOLD HE'D BE KING MIDAS - February 8

OBAMA NOT ABLE TO FINISH STATEMENT WISHING HE COULD "HAND JOBS OUT" WHEN BARNEY FRANK SHOUTS "ME FIRST!" - February 5

NEW POLL SHOWS HALF OF THOSE WHO DISAPPROVE OF TEA PARTIES ARE DEMOCRATS, THE OTHER HALF IS OBAMA'S EGO - February 5

LAS VEGAS UNVEILS NEW SLOGAN: WHAT HAPPENS HERE CREATES LESS DEBT THAN OBAMA'S BUDGET

OBAMA ADMINISTRATION TO GO AFTER TOYOTA FOR BAD CARS BECAUSE ONLY VOTERS ARE ALLOWED TO MAKE MISTAKES - February 4

LAS VEGAS UNVEILS NEW SLOGAN: WHAT HAPPENS HERE IS MONEY WELL SPENT COMPARED TO OBAMA'S BUDGET - February 3

LAS VEGAS UNVEILS NEW SLOGAN: WHAT HAPPENS HERE IS MONEY WELL SPENT COMPARED TO OBAMA'S BUDGET - February 3

AFTER "NO SPENDING IN VEGAS" COMMENT, OBAMA PLEDGES NOT TO "BLOW MONEY ON BONUS PAY FOR TELEPROMPTERS" - February 3

CLIMATEGATE SCIENTISTS ADMIT SKEWED WARMING DATA MAY BE DUE TO MELTING ICE MAKING THEM SEXUALLY AROUSED - February 3

RAHM EMANUEL EXPLAINS SAYING "RETARDED" NOT MEANT TO DEGRADE, HE IS ACTUALLY STATING WHAT HE ASPIRES TO BE - February 1

DNC CONSIDERS HOLDING 2012 CONVENTION IN FOREIGN NATION, AWAITS PERMISSION FROM CITY OF SAN FRANCISCO - February 1

$3.8 TRILLION DEFICIT HIKING BUDGET HAS GOP CONCERNED OBAMA HAS ONE OF TOYOTA'S STICKY GAS PEDALS - February 1