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Scholars Should Rank The Presidents With A Roulette Wheel

I don't do mad very often, because I save it up for posts like this.

With internet porn and sex being flashed in front of our faces constantly I'm sure its getting tougher for nerds, who have to work harder than ever, to find activities that allow them to avoid wanting to lose their virginity...but...It looks like the nations elite squad of presidential scholars have found a way to remain preoccupied...

According to Politico a new poll of presidential rankings has found President Obama to be in a stratospheric 15th place (no I didn't view that number through a mirror...I wish) compared to all of his predecessors.

The Siena College poll, which surveyed 238 presidential scholars at U.S. colleges and universities, asked scholars to rate the nation’s 43 chief executives on 20 attributes ranging from legislative accomplishments to integrity and imagination.

Imagination? The way Jimmy Carter judges George W. Bush as his inferior he must've scored first place on that account. (Well...actually he ranked 21, Teddy Roosevelt was first)

Now, I know exactly what you're thinking.....How did William Henry Harrison rank?

Well he was 30th in party leadership, 27th in handing the economy, and 24th in executive appointments, and then he was IS THIS LIST !$^$&#*# FOR REAL!?!

Why why why WHY WHY WHY is William Henry Harrison even allowed to be on the list? The man was president for ONE MONTH. The nations so-called leading "scholars" placed this guy 35th overall. The guy who presided for a month, got really sick and then DIED beat out 8 other guys!

In the category of "luck" this one-month pony got 42nd out of 43.....what happened to 43rd place? Did that guy get caught eating manure or something?

A more accurate list could've been put together using only a roulette wheel.

As an astronaut, look out for MY rankings on the best galaxies to visit

Do we really have to call these lefty morons who judge our presidents "scholars?" If so then words clearly don't have meaning anymore. I'm no expert on presidents so it's obviously I need to get a phD (get, not earn, I'm convinced the schools these idiots went to were just giving them away) to understand how feeble minded I am right now to think that men who never actually had time to be president SHOULDN'T BE ON THE DAMN LIST!

Conservatives will have their hearts warmed to know that George W. Bush, the man who navigated, with moderate success, one of the biggest geo-political toilet plunges in history, ranked 39th...four places below the guy whose only accomplishment, literally, was being inaugurated.

Meanwhile, President Teleprompter's highest ranking was 6th ....for imagination...a hah...a hah hah hah....and at 15th he beats Ronald Reagan's 18th place.

I could keep going, but I think the point has been made that the worlds best comedians couldn't write jokes that could even begin to overtake the comedy that is this list.

If you're REALLY bored, or in a very good mood and you want to put an end to either of these things, or if you've ever wondered what bad mental masturbation looks like, then go ahead and check out all of the actual rankings here.