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The Many Faces Of Obama


Birthdays


His wedding


Losing Virginity


Becoming a father


Beating Hillary


Becoming President


Wins Obamacare


Worst oil spill ever


Kicking Ass


Nuclear Iran


Pooping in pants


Santa Claus is real?!?


Time travel


Armageddon


Rosie O'Donnell naked


Criticism

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How Obama's Meeting With General McChrystal Should Have Played Out


Obama gives General McChrystal an actual can of whoop ass


I think this would've been better if the term was can of kick ass.

Click the image above to see a larger version.

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If The Obama Administration Was a Movie...

I think I have a rough idea.


High School Presidency


I don't know if this would be a comedy or a documentary....maybe both...maybe tragedy...

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President Amateur Hour's Audacity of Dope

To quote the great Dennis Miller, "now, I don't want to get off on a rant here..." but while I may get a big kick out of calling the guy President Amateur HOur, and its one of those "haha, but not really" types of jokes, I'm starting to get worried. Obama is starting to make George W. Bush look like James Bond.

Worse yet, I'm starting to think I can be president.

Since when do leadership skills matter anyway? All you have to have is a pulse and proof of citizenship and you're all set!

There was so much frothing at the mouth over Obama it was like "Hope and Change" was the password for entry to the biggest foam party ever.

I don't blame him for treating us like we're stupid, we all saw how increasingly idiotic his supporters became as the 2008 campaign wore on. If they were dogs McCain would be president right now because they would've had to be put down for liberal rabies long before election day. I'm sure Old Yeller would've appreciated knowing that all he had to do was declare his undying love for a vapid Democrat running for president and he would have never been shot.

The audacity of dope this president continues to put on display for the world is just hard to believe. He calls job growth caused only by the hiring of temporary census workers a sign of recovery like people are too dumb to know they're going right back to unemployment.

He then criticizes BP's CEO for going yachting while the oil spill continues, and he does it from a freakin' golf course.

So why is this not hypocrisy you may ask?



Biden took it ..... we're screwed

Clear his mind? WHAT MIND? Based on the decisions he has been making since taking office I hadn't noticed he actually had one.

So what Bill Burton is trying to tell the world is that the president has to relieve himself of stress, and pissing on the constitution isn't good enough because that's technically "work," so he has to go on the golf course on Fathers Day (where's his family?) with Biden, as if he needed yet another zero added to his scorecard.

Meanwhile the CEO of BP is obligated to work himself up into a stroke, because that's what the leadership of a beleaguered corporation needs right now?

Children are running the government! These guys think they're like the popular clique in high school who say and do ANYTHING they want while criticizing "outsiders" if they do the exact same thing.

Does anyone think its an accident that General Stanley McChrystal and his people blabbed to a reporter about the morons they have to answer to? These guys plan and predict the movements of TERRORISTS! You bet your butt they knew their words were going to go from the reporters pen to Barack's ears.

The General didn't exercise "poor judgment," he knew exactly what he was doing. He was crying for help, or for a real president...or a unicorn, I don't know...he seems to have an equal chance of finding any of those things in Washington DC these days.

Good lord...is it November yet?

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Other Ways To Say O.B.A.M.A


I'm not looking to replace the permanent champion of O.B.A.M.A acronyms above....I just want to share some of my own:



Obama acronyms

(click to see a larger version)



Then there is also Over Bites Are Marxist Attributes

Could have also said Over Bites Are Maoist Attributes

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What Liberals Eat For Breakfast

There is:
Regular
Fruity
Chocolate
Apple Cinnamon
Yogurt Burst
Multi Grain
Banana Nut
Honey Nut

and now...


Crazy Nut Cheerios


Directions: Just add Kool-Aid.

Click the image to see a larger version.

UPDATE: Some have told me I should have gone with Fruit Loops instead, but I'm talking about liberals in general, not Barney Frank specifically.

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Limericks About Obama

Last week I came up with a limerick about Obama (here) and got some really good ones sent to me in response, below are some of the ones I thought were funny and/or very clever:

A Kenyan imposter that you know 
Said, "Screwing is one thing I do know, 
A woman is fine, 
And sheep are divine, 
But Larry is numero uno. 


Before he took office as president
Obama, congressional resident
was hired for voting
but spent time devoting
his efforts to mark himself present


He got elected because of his race.
To the White House, a once beautiful place.
Spreading his Obama stash around,
Driving the country into the ground.
Never letting a crisis go to waste.


Obama, a man of no worth
With his wooky of oversized girth
Rode his ghost written books
And his sound bites and hooks
To election with no proof of birth


There once was a man from Mombasa
Who lived in a very fine casa
He thought he was king
And loved the left wing
Al Qaeda, Hamas, and La Raza




This last one was a bit unorthodox...A trilogy of sorts, the last one doesn't work technically, but I really liked the effort


Obama's the fellow they picked
They chose him because he's so slick.
A fast talking schemer
the ultimate dreamer,
but BP has taught him new tricks.

While he's off putting balls on the green
with new skills even he's never seen,
BPs working swiftly
with skills new and nifty
to bring in more cash for their queen.

They pay 20 billion
to make a few trillion,
and then disappear from the scene.
Now I don't want to spoil it,
but the gulf's a huge toilet
and I wish it was all JUST a bad dream.

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Conservative Satire Headlines June 14-17

This is the last addition to the headlines archive. I'm putting the headlines on an indefinite hiatus. After more than a year of coming up with 1-2 on average every day I'm out of juice for writing them, especially since I've upped my posting frequency for the blog itself. The result is my creative energies have been transfered to other things. I don't know how this will play out yet, but I'm going to give it a rest for now



POLL FINDS DEMS PLACE LAST IN THREE WAY RACE FOR CONGRESS WITH GOP AND THE OIL SPILL - June 17

BIDEN DEFENDS BP CHAIRMAN CALLING GULF RESIDENTS "LITTLE PEOPLE," POINTS OUT HE REALLY MEANT "WEE THE PEOPLE" - June 17

AIDE LEAKS EXPLANATION THAT OBAMA CONSIDERS FREQUENT GOLF GAMES TO BE LIKE EXTENDED CIGARETTE BREAKS - June 16

OBAMA HAILS BIDEN AS A GENIUS FOR SUGGESTING THAT THE DEFICIT COULD BE CLOSED BY TAXING TAXES - June 16

OBAMA SPEECH TO FOCUS ON ASKING AMERICA WHAT HE SHOULD DO WITH "A FRIEND" WHO HAS SCREWED UP BEING PRESIDENT - June 15

BIDEN RUSHED TO HOSPITAL TO GET STOMACH PUMPED AFTER MISTAKING TAR BALLS FOR BLACK LICORICE FLAVORED PASTE - June 15

OBAMA PLACES OIL SPILL DISASTER SOMEWHERE BETWEEN 9-11 AND VOTERS WAKING UP TO HIM - June 14

1-1 TIE IN WORLD CUP BETWEEN USA AND ENGLAND DEEMED A WATERSHED VICTORY FOR SPORTS BY LEADING SOCIALISTS - June 14

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Top 10 Reasons Obama Delayed His Oil Spill Response

Everyone knows how this works, if I missed any good ones let me know by commenting below!


10. Didn’t know about the spill because the teleprompters were on vacation.


9. Someone challenged him to see how many rounds of golf he can play before people get pissed.


8. Didn’t want to act until his team created an oil spill graphic that incorporated his logo


7. Was too busy waterboarding Rahm Emmanuel for answers on why his cabinet calls him President Jenga.


6. Didn’t know where to go because “Caution Slippery Floor” signs wont stand on water.


5. Wasn’t sure it was actually that bad after seeing gulf residents with “this is what change looks like” signs.


4. Clean up the ocean? Pssh he was just waiting for the iPhone to release the app for that.


3. Wanted to test Keith Olbermann’s theory that rednecks would avoid the beach if the ocean was black.


2. Hasn’t cared about oil since Air Force One was retrofitted to run on the magic of the 2008 election.


1. Being asked “did you plug the hole yet daddy” at least 50 times while being president was actually an item on his "bucket list."


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So BP Cares About LITTLE People, But What About The AMERICAN People?

You probably know by now what the Chairman of BP Carl-Henric Svanberg has had to say about who BP cares about...


Y


Small people, small people, we care about the SMALL people...who are these small people? The leprechauns dancing in his head?

The collection of Barack action figures that the president forgot to gift to the queen?

DENNIS KUCINICH?

In any case, to quote the great Paul Harvey, here is the REST of the story...


BP chairman hung upside down by Statue of Liberty


Click the image above to see a larger version.

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