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Conservative Satire News February 28, 2011

Obama official clarifies that he thinks it does nobody any good to vilify overpaid public employees because in the eyes of Democrats taxpayers count about as much as an unborn child.

Obama Administration responds to criticism it is being timid about a military response in Libya by reminding world it's keeping the military in a state of readiness in case it needs to respond to Fox News or the Koch brothers.

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The Smoking Gun on the Koch Brothers Money Trail

Open Secrets maintains a list of the top all time donors to political campaigns, and it busts the Koch brothers BIG TIME! Check out the top 20 donors.


Wait, I don't see them on the list....Just a bunch of highlighted unions. Man thats a lot of donkey icons. Whats the deal Republicans? Where's the waterfall of corporate money into your coffers that the left promised? Are you all country club poor? I'm sure it's a typo.

Hold on a sec....

 

Looking.....

 

Looking...............

 

Looking..............................

 

BAM!



Read it and weep Teabaggers! Bow before your corporate overlords, even if they give a greater percentage to Democrats than the unions give to Republicans.

It's a good thing those unions outspend them by, like, 50 to 1. Gotta keep things fair, huh "progressives?"

High fives are on me tonight, left hands only.


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A Modest Proposal to Revive The Oscars

The ratings for the Oscars were down again. I don't know if they've figured out what the reason is yet, but I would be surprised that one of them isn't the narcissistic of winners to use their moment on stage to pontificate to the world. It's not just the Oscars, it's all the awards shows, these idiots just can't help themselves

When Al Gore did it he declared to a packed house of limousine liberals, who live their lives to the absolute height of excess, that we should all do our part to reduce our carbon footprint. I drive a Toyota Corolla, I should be telling Gore what HE needs to do...if only he could hear me over the engine on his private jet, or from the gates of his energy guzzling mansions.

All those hypocrites have to do is adopt a middle class lifestyle....I'm sure they'd rather move to Hell.

Then we have this year, with these make-believe bubble dwellers chiming in on what's happening in Wisconsin and extolling the "woes" of public employee unions...

At the Academy Awards tonight, best cinematography winner Wally Pfister made a point during his acceptance speech of thanking his union crew on “Inception.”....

“I think that what is going on in Wisconsin is kind of madness right now,” Pfister says. “I have been a union member for 30 years and what the union has given to me is security for my family....”

From The Note

Taxpayers don't pay for your private sector union Mister Pfister (of course the "P" is silent). Maybe you should learn the difference between your union and the public sector before spouting off like you get your news from a Magic 8 Ball.

Hollywood has forgotten that the world tunes in to the Oscars for pomp and circumstance....not pompous circumstance. Thats why I don't just choose to not watch, I actually despise the entire event.

If they want to bring people like me into the fold I have a modest proposal...try some honest marketing, so we all know what we're actually getting....it might actually work.


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The Official Video Game of the Tea Party?


I would like to thank the liberal bellyaching about billionaire boogeymen that allow them to deflect blame for their own electoral inadequacies. This concept would not have been possible without it.

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The Koch Brothers vs. The Caucus of Union "Paupers"

This obsession liberals have with making the Koch brothers the scapegoat for all things conservative these days is just too nauseating. They don't cry like babies when, as Eleanor Clift on "The McLaughlin Group" puts it below, "monied interests" like George Soros stick their billion dollar noses in our business.



I love Pat Buchanan laughing at the stupid harpy when she wonders why people think Walker is representing the people. Elections never seem to count when it's not their ilk who won.

I also loved how John McLaughlin told them to let her finish, like he was doing her a favor. If Clift thinks she is fooling anyone with her intellect then she must think we're pretty damn dumb, because she makes a 40 watt bulb look like a supernova.

So what about the Koch brothers? Why don't we consult liberalism's public enemy number 1......

THE INTERNET!

According to followthemoney.org Koch Industries contributed exactly $43,500 to the governors race, which is .19% of the total money raised, and a WHOPPING .47% of the total contributions to Scott Walker's campaign.

Who contributed MORE than the Koch brothers to the Wisconsin governors race?

    International Union Of Painters & Allied Trades - $43,528
    Wisconsin Laborers District Council - $47,400
    Wisconsin Afscme - $48,600
    Electrical Workers - $49,000

So according to Clift, Scott Walker is looking out for "monied interests," meanwhile the unions (and the above is just a partial list) are throwing around money like they're starring in a rap video and outspending the Koch brothers, at a minimum, by 4 to 1...and that makes them what?

A caucus of paupers?

All of that money filled Democrat coffers, is anyone really dumb enough to suggest the Wisconsin Fleebaggers are acting out of principle?

h/t iOwnTheWorld for the video

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Even Air Rifles Bring "Peace Through Superior Firepower"

This video may be traumatic to any "progressives" whose virgin brains have never been penetrated by intelligent thought and would come to the "logical" conclusion that olive branches and chit chat are the way to save yourself from savages that want to skin you into pioneer jerky.

The narrator called the air rifle featured in this video "peace through superior firepower."

Reagan called it "peace through strength."

Whatever it is one thing is for sure, it's undeniably effective...progressives. I don't care what your deity's teleprompter has to say on the matter.


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CBS Should Re-Make Two and a Half Men With A New Cast

I have to be honest, I thought Two and a half Men was a really stupid show. I saw a few episodes and the wonder that it had gone on for as long as it has is flabbergasting to me.

That said, the one thing I can appreciate about it is the people who worked on the show were able to put food on the table and a roof over their head because it provided their employment. This includes Charlie Sheen, but in his case that roof over his head was made of coked out porn stars.

It wasn't enough for Sheen to be satisfied with being the highest paid actor on television. He needed to be perpetually messed up on drugs too. Now some selfish rant against the network has caused the show to be cancelled for the season, effectively screwing hundreds of people out of work they need because they don't get to make millions for "acting" like an ingracious piece of s**t on camera.

Rather than cancel for the season, I think CBS should just reboot the show with a new cast. I have a few ideas, starting with a very obvious option...



Then there's a choice even more obvious than that...



I call this one "the trans-gender barrier buster"...



This is the best option, but the need for special effects make it cost prohibitive...



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Conservative Satire News February 25, 2011

National Journal grudgingly apologizes to Vice President Biden for any confusion caused by their report that the 2010 Congress was the most polarized ever, adding there has been no impact whatsoever on global warming.

Eliot Spitzer welcomes Kathleen Parker's decision to leave the primetime CNN show they co-host, saying that if she's getting paid to spend an hour with him he should've gotten some sex out of it.

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What Would You Rather Do Than Work For CNN?

This is how crappy it is to work for CNN...

Kathleen Parker, the Pulitzer-Prize winning journalist who co-hosted CNN's 8 p.m. show, is leaving just five months after the show debuted, the company announced Friday.

"I have decided to return to a schedule that will allow me to focus more on my syndicated newspaper column and other writings," Parker said in a statement.

More here

This is like James Carville canceling an appointment so he can go get a haircut.

I'm sure it wasn't a very pleasant experience working with a man like Eliot Spitzer, who probably was offended being in the presence of a woman who was getting paid spend an hour with him without sex being part of the deal.

My only experience with the show was highlighted in this post from last November, when Rand Paul made Spitzer his Client Number 9 while Parker was probably too busy avoiding the reach of Spitzer under the table to concentrate on having an actual thought to contribute to the show.

So I don't blame her for wanting to leave the last place network in cable news to refocus her work on that 21st century dinosaur we call NEWSPAPERS.

After all, she's got to go where the audience is.

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Public Sector Unions vs. Satan: The Movie

I took my rant from a couple of days ago about Wisconsin Unions and ran it though Xtranormal's text to movie maker....




Big h/t to The Peoples Cube for its contribution to the finale.


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