I'll likely be adding to this list :-)
Give more and be more charitable with other peoples money.
Find more legitimate reasons to have an abortion for convenience.
Watch what I eat, since Michelle Obama wont let me eat what I eat.
Quit smoking, the president needs them more than I do.
Support gay marriage by trying it out.
Work harder with others at building bridges over border fences.
Stop using the race card as a crutch
Rewrite the Constitution on Wikipedia.
Fight for a world with less A-bombs and more F-bombs.
Institute Don't Ask Don't Tell policy on all one night stands.
Reduce toilet paper usage to one square, Joe Biden's mouth needs them more than I do.
Build up a tolerance to the toxins in energy efficient lightbulbs.
Build up my vegan tolerance for the fake meat tofu.
Attend AA to kick the alcoholism caused by drinking games played during Biden speeches.
Become smarter than a 5th grader (or is it become more smarter?).
Try to see the inner beauty in everyone, or the outer beauty of Helen Thomas. (whatever ends up being easier)
Help make Al Gore even more rich so he can have a better chance at stopping global warming.
Stop letting the kids watch Joe Biden on TV and have them tune in to real cartoons.
Maintain balance with mother nature by reducing my carbon footprint by as much as Al Gore increases his.
Stock up on
guns white flags...just in case.
Learn how to
shoot the guns read an English to Chinese dictionary....just in case
Learn which direction Mecca is in...just in case.Add a comment
It is SO hard to constantly be coming up with new AND good stuff to photoshop for you people....I don't know how BigFurHat does it sometimes, or where he finds his material and ideas.
This was just brilliant.
h/t iOwnTheWorldAdd a comment
The last one for 2010!
Liberal blogger Ezra Klein's declares the Constitution is difficult to understand because it is over 100 years old, prompting demands for forgiveness from Helen Thomas.
GOP insists on reading Constitution so Democrats can find out what is in it.
After signaling support for Ground Zero Mosque Justin Beiber is admonished to just "shut up and lipsynch."Add a comment
You didn't read the title wrong, get a load of this...
I don't want to get all technical and use big words that might be too hard to understand for any "progressives" reading this...but....WHAT!
Our government, and the Democratic Party especially (by their own cavalier yet inadvertent admission during the ObamaCare debate), has grown so big it has its own gravitational pull, and it has strayed so far from the Constitution it could be its own planet.
The simple fact is the Constitution is perhaps the most plainly worded, easiest to understand governing document in the entire republic. Liberals like Klein
want NEED it to be "confusing" so they can justify breaking the rules while telling you they're not. All they care about is power, and the Constitution's limits on power couldn't be clearer if it was the inside of Biden's head. For them it's not a document our government needs to live by, it's an impediment.
Klein might as well have said:
This is too confusing, here's a coloring book, leave the big kid stuff to us.
If it really is a mystery why the GOP thinks the Constitution needs to be read to people who vote 2000 page nation altering bills (that are apparently NOT difficult to understand) why don't we let the queen of the liberal hive (who, incidentally, was also created over 100 years ago) spell it out for him.
So, Ezra, this is not a gimmick, you idiot.
Klein offers a rather feeble explanation of his intellectual constipation here. Go there for the explanation, stay for the comments by readers eviscerating it.Add a comment
Selfish Sanitation Department bosses from the snow-slammed outer boroughs ordered their drivers to snarl the blizzard cleanup to protest budget cuts -- a disastrous move that turned streets into a minefield for emergency-services vehicles, The Post has learned.
Miles of roads stretching from as north as Whitestone, Queens, to the south shore of Staten Island still remained treacherously unplowed last night because of the shameless job action, several sources and a city lawmaker said, which was over a raft of demotions, attrition and budget cuts.
"They sent a message to the rest of the city that these particular labor issues are more important," said City Councilman Dan Halloran (R-Queens), who was visited yesterday by a group of guilt-ridden sanitation workers who confessed the shameless plot.
Get the rest at The New York Post (via Drudge Report)
If this makes you shrug your shoulders then you must've missed the fact that people have died as a result of this...
A blizzard baby delivered inside the lobby of a snowbound Brooklyn building died after an emergency call of a woman in labor brought no help for nine excruciating hours.
Liberals love to scoff at the idea that we should privatize any service. This is exhibit A-Z on why we should consider it.
If these accusations are true then blood is on the hands of these workers? How are union thugs holding up taxpayers in a city that is steeped in debt better than having some greedy "evil" corporation handle it?
These bastards are going to have their jobs tomorrow. If corporate America was in charge of this they would've been unemployed a**holesicles by now.
Meanwhile, Mayor Bloomberg shrugs his shoulders, and I don't know if its because he doesn't know what to do, or that's his response to an aide asking him how he'll pin this one on the Tea Party.
Any chance of this guy running for president just got put on ice (oh yes...PUN INTENDED). If he can't get sanitation workers to prevent the deaths of innocent people by simply getting snow plowed, then you can imagine what will happen when a country like North Korea finally goes off the deep end.
I know he's all about having No Labels lately, so I'm not going to say he's a failure....
Or a moron...
Or a loser...
idiot carrier of Biden DNA...
Or an incompetence whore after giving 8 million people a snow job....
I'm going to let Mayor Bloomturd's inactions speak for themselves.Add a comment
Luckily, this isn't some new years fantasy of mine...he really is concerned about losing his seat.
*tear* :-(Add a comment
Law enforcement explores possibility that a bank robber wearing a Hillary Clinton mask may have actually been Nancy Pelosi with bleached hair.
Joe Klein of Time magazine declared "nothing much happened" in 2010, refused to offer explanation until he had a chance to "wash the stink of ass" from his head.
Hawaii's new governor vows proving Obama was born there will be top priority right after he gets the state to build the world's first ever zoo for unicorns.Add a comment
I think there is a chance that there is actually something to this.
A study at University College London in the UK has found that conservatives' brains have larger amygdalas than the brains of liberals. Amygdalas are responsible for fear and other "primitive" emotions. At the same time, conservatives' brains were also found to have a smaller anterior cingulate -- the part of the brain responsible for courage and optimism.
If the study is confirmed, it could give us the first medical explanation for why conservatives tend to be more receptive to threats of terrorism, for example, than liberals. And it may help to explain why conservatives like to plan based on the worst-case scenario, while liberals tend towards rosier outlooks.
I don't know anything about the science, I'm not a medical expert like the members of congress who drafted ObamaCare. The conclusions seem pretty feasible though when you consider "liberals tend towards rosier outlooks" is really just a polite way to say they're flexible enough to bury their heads in their asses.
It's how we get government healthcare when the government is running deficits that make the Grand Canyon look like a crack on the sidewalk.
It's why they think raising taxes on an economy that's so dead it makes the Clinton's marriage look alive is a good idea.
Liberals only see the downside to letting psychos have nukes if they vote Republican.
They think they can keep the climate of the ENTIRE world from going too high, and they can't even get plows going to remove the snow that, according to them, isn't even supposed to freakin' be there.
All of those things take A LOT of optimism. So I'll give these "experts" that much.
The only thing that I'm hung up on is that liberals have more courage. I don't know many liberal soldiers. They vote overwhelmingly conservative. I may be mistaken, but didn't the military establish the brig because soldiers protested that punishment by coersion to vote Democrat violated the 8th amendment?
In fact, liberals are always the ones that want to run from a fight. This alone puts the researchers findings on its head. How can conservatives be scaredy cats AND warmongers?
Then again, I guess it takes a lot of courage to tell people how to live and reduce their "carbon footprint" before diving into a pool at one of your mansions that suck up more energy in a month than the rest of us use in 2 years without heating it first.
To be fair to Al Gore, I'd wager he doesn't think his footprint is made of carbon so much as it's actually more like "optimistic hypocrisy."Add a comment
I did this post almost a year ago, I figured that since the world is freezing once again I would bring it back..
Each "snowflake" represents a headline in the news about how the country is getting colder than date night with the Clintons. Give them a rollover with your mouse and watch Al Gore try to eat his words. (use Firefox or Internet Explorer)
The headlines and links are from last year, I don't know if many (or any) still work. I could update them, but it's all just going to sound the same anyway...
You can see the original post hereAdd a comment
A year ago Al Gore warned the world that the carbon footprint from his mansions would help vanish snow all over the world.
I don't even need to tell you about New York City...
Click the image to see the full size version.Add a comment
New Yorkers begin to wonder if blizzards would stop if experts stopped fighting against global warming.
Confused as to why snow is paralyzing New York City, conservatives point out its people are so liberal they could melt the snow in seconds by blowing on it.
Poll shows a growing number of Dems support an Obama nomination in 2012, clearing the way for his November silver medal finish.Add a comment
There was a lot of good stuff this year, so I may amend this later...
10. Arlen Specter went from the Republican Party, to the Democratic Party, to his retirement party.
9. New Jersey governor Chris Christie spends his first year in office proving he is worth his weight in bold.
8. Faizul Shazzad, the Times Square Bomber, proved to Mayor Bloomberg that the Tea Party isn't racist about who they let in.
7. John Boehner's emotional display of tears melts our hearts, and Nancy Pelosi.
6. Being the "post-racial" president that he is, Obama tried to integrate the gulf coast's oil and water.
5. The country realizes Obama is to job creation what Helen Thomas is to Viagra.
4.Liberals support the Ground Zero Mosque on the basis of religious freedom out of fear the next thing to go will be global warming summits.
3. Obama shows that between ramming through ObamaCare, the BP Oil Spill, and WikiLeaks, the only hole he can actually plug is the rears of Americans.
2. The discovery of an allergy to tea dubbed by medical experts as "Republican Incumbency Now Obliterated" (RINO).
1. The ObamaCare vote immediately improved the health of Congress.Add a comment
After a failed attempt to wink at him, a reporter agrees with Pelosi that Michael Vick deserve a second chance, adds reminder that Vick didn't ruin the country.
Gallup names Obama most-admired man of 2010 thanks in part to his taking Carville's advice and "borrowing a pair" from a now disqualified Hillary Clinton.
Obama takes communion during rare appearance at church service, inadvertently turning the wine into water.Add a comment
Smith has released the first trailer for his upcoming film, 'Red State,' a frightening look at religious extremism in America, based in part on anti-gay, anti-America Kansas pastor Fred Phelps.
Catch the original article at The Huffington Post
I love Kevin Smith's movies....but TIME OUT! TIME THE @#$#$% OUT!
First of all, this movie is going to FAIL, make no mistake about that. Mariah Carey's "Glitter" is going to look like "Avatar's" box office cousin compared to this movie because only a bunch of ignorant liberals who think there is a semblance of reality in it will spend two hours of their life watching it.
Meanwhile, the rest of the country will find watching eskimos who observe ice melt in the middle of January to be way more informative.
This is "loosely" based on Fred Phelps? The man is a Democrat, he has run for elected office as one many times throughout his life. He has even been a delegate at the Democratic National Convention. It was George W. Bush who signed Respect for America's Fallen Heroes Act passed with a vote from a GOP dominated Congress (that hailed from the states Smith is maligning) in 2006, based on the actions of Phelps's lunatic church.
So...what the hell is Kevin Smith thinking?
The fool is obviously TRYING to paint a portrait of Christian conservatism in America, and he's using a guy who would never vote for them as the backdrop for a work of fiction that's less believable than the comic book world he comes from.
Why doesn't he just make a movie about a guy who preaches the value of working hard, and fights tirelessly to preserve the right of people to keep what they worked to earn, and then say its "loosely" based on Barack Obama?
I've got a better idea, why doesn't he do a film that takes "a frightening look at religious extremism" that acts as an incubator for Sharia Law in America? Or would it be too difficult to get those guys to register Republican?
Here's the movie's trailer, and no I don't owe you a new keyboard because you didn't grab your barf bag before clicking play.
Add a comment
As much as I'd love to keep the posts going through the holiday weekend....truth be told, I'm pooped. Hopefully I can take a couple of days to rest up a bit.
And now, for your holiday weekend pleasure...a very special Christmas tale where Joe Biden finally wins a debate....sort of.
If you're a Christian keep in mind that Christmas is a celebration of the birth of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.
If you're NOT a Christian keep in mind that Christmas is a celebration of the birth of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.
Merry Christmas everyone!
h/t iOwnTheWorld for the video.Add a comment
Aides to Vice President Biden deny accusations that during signing of Don't Ask Don't Tell repeal he whispered into Obama's ear "this is a butt f**king deal"
Commemorating gays newfound ability to serve in the military Dems create a new Christmas carol titled "Have Yourselves a Fairy Little Christmas."
Democrat leadership finds strongest support for "filibuster reform" with members planning to switch to GOP in 2013.
Al Gore tells nations kids they'll soon have a chance to ask Santa about the devastating effects of global warming.Add a comment
Apparently atheists don't have enough faith to be atheists either. There's probably no god?!? Does that mean there probably is a God?
This sets up an interesting conundrum for atheist crusaders. If they are "probably right" about there being no God then everything will go black and when we die existence for us will cease to be.
If they are "probably wrong" and there is a God then what do they think will happen to them when they have to face Him in the next life?
Basically, they're damned if they don't, and they be damned if anyone could get them to "do."
By the way, I probably think atheists are a little stupid.
I would also say that it's most certainly true with a high degree of probability that "probably" is code for "definitely." Its also true with definite degree of probability that "stupid" is also meant to mean "seriously @$&#ed."
They don't believe in God, so they see no need for religion, which prompts them to start an atheist cult so they can tell the world they're "probably" right...
Meanwhile, all people of faith are the logically bankrupt ones in this equation?
How does anyone get this way? Were these people tied to a chair and fed a constant diet of paint chips and helium?
Oh, I'm sorry, am I being ridiuclous?
Also, what is it that atheists think we are consumed by that makes them feel the need to tell us to "stop worrying?" Because of their belief that God is in control people of faith are truly some of the most worry free people there are.
When anyone assumes you're something that you're not they're reallly projecting their own issues on to you. Without exception the non-religious people in my life are among the most miserable people I personally know. They can't enjoy their life because they get hung up on every little thing that goes wrong in it.
They sweat the small stuff because they don't think there is anything to look forward to after this life. So they want to get it while the gettin' is good, and they're never satisfied. They don't know what people of faith know...nothing material in this life can provide permanent or lasting happiness better than faithfulness to God.
This Christmas will be spent as it should be, celebrating the birth of the Son of God, and I'll be doing so happily, because believing in God makes my life more enjoyable.
I'm not going to worry about people who spend their lives WORRIED about making sure people knew that life PROBABLY has no point.
Honestly atheists, I don't care what you want to believe...but please just go find a dark sound-proof closet that you can "play dead" in, and stop trying to be a bummer to people who want to play in the light.